I watched her as she slept. The rise and fall of her naked chest was so fucking peaceful. A large part of me wanted to just take her and disappear to some island in the Caribbean where no one would know us or care.
But I knew neither of our lives were that simple.
What the fuck was I doing?
What the fuck was I even thinking? And of course, the little princess had to be a virgin. I’d been way off the mark with her. She was so goddamn sure of herself when she talked and the way she acted around me that time in her bedroom.
Fuck.
I was so fucking fucked it wasn’t even funny.
Everything.
All of it.
Five years of work.
Five years of risk.
For a bit of untouched pussy.
But maybe my dick knew better than my head. Because Madelyn was so much more than just a good lay. What she’d said to me nearly broke me when she’d said it.
It spoke to me in a way that it shouldn’t have.
Someone like her, from her upbringing, with her wealth, shouldn’t have been able to connect with my fucked up life so easily.
With the notion of wanting something for yourself. Of wanting to make sure no one else had control over you. Of not wanting to be reliant on others.
The girl was more gangster than most of the kids working for Johnny.
“Fuck,” I breathed out.
She moved in the bed and turned to look at me. It was around dusk and the suite was dark, but even still, her blue eyes shined, giving off “You’re so fucking screwed” signals to my brain.
“Hey,” she said groggily. “You okay?”
I nodded, not sure what to say. What did you even say to a girl after you took her virginity? Well, after she gave it to you. This was new territory for me. Most of the girls I’d hooked up with were experienced and the majority were professionals.
She was silent for a beat before she finally spoke. “So, what happens now?”
I winced. It was the question I’d been dreading because it was one I didn’t have the answer to. Was I just supposed to hand her over to Johnny, knowing who Johnny was and how he treated his laundry list of wives?
But, if I didn’t, I might as well flush the last five years of risk and my chance at revenge down the drain because there was no coming back if I ever got found out.
Shit.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.
She sat up in bed and pulled the sheet toward her. She looked down to play with the fabric a bit as she spoke. “I knew what this was when I initiated, Max. I’m not looking for you to hide me out or something.”
“Good,” I let slip past my lips. She didn’t say anything, but even I knew what I’d said stung. I turned around to face her, not letting myself touch her even though that’s all I wanted to do.
She gave me a sad smile and I could feel it in my soul. She looked right through me the way no one in my life ever had. As if she knew what made me tick and that it wasn’t my heart.
“Why are you with Johnny, Max? You don’t belong there. Something else is going on.”
I gave her a lazy smile, trying desperately not to crack under her bright blue eyes.
“Whattya mean?”
She gave me a knowing look. “I mean, you’re obviously not from Boston since you haven’t dropped one ‘r’ the entire time I’ve known you. And,” she looked down briefly and shrugged. “I dunno. I just have a feeling about you. About the real you. So who are you really?” She looked back up at me with those baby blues and fuck if they didn’t break me.
I was no pussy.
I’d been to war.
I’d seen combat.
I’d lost people.
I’d taken people.
I meant what I said to her when I said I wasn’t some white knight.
I’d been tortured, beaten and broken and I’d never cracked under the pressure.
But, when the fucking princess asked me that question and looked at me that way, my lips started moving, spilling secrets I’d sworn I’d take to my grave all over the fucking room.